These are 11 common mistakes you may be making that will escalate arguments with your partner. If you’re making any of these mistakes in your relationship, don’t worry; there are a number of other ways to resolve disagreements without going overboard. Avoid name-calling, listen to your partner’s arguments, and try to keep blaming and past mistakes to a minimum. You’ll find these suggestions to be immensely helpful.
When arguing with your partner, avoid using inappropriate language. This tactic has a negative impact on your partner’s emotional health. It only fuels their anger and causes a feeling of regret. It also damages your relationship. If you are in a relationship with someone who frequently uses name-calling to yell at you, it’s important to avoid this behavior. Here are some tips for doing so:
Before you engage in name-calling behavior, talk about how you feel. When you do so, try to avoid using the word “you.” If you can’t speak up, write down your feelings. Putting them in writing may help you think about what you mean. If you can’t reach a compromise, see a marriage counselor. Your safety should be your number one priority. This way, your partner will feel understood and less likely to resort to abusive language .
Listening to your partner’s arguments
The worst thing you can do during an argument is to simply ignore what your partner has to say. You might be tired of hearing your partner’s opinions, but that doesn’t mean you should stop arguing. Instead, sit close to each other and even touch each other physically during an argument. Instead of defending your own point of view, listen to your partner’s and try to see things from their perspective. If you want to win, focus on one issue at a time and listen to their side.
Sometimes, you may be angry because you feel hurt or lonely. It is best to let the feelings out rather than building walls. Afterward, you can try to express your feelings in a softer way to your partner. You may even find that your tone was harsh and accusatory. Try to use different language when you return. If you have not heard your partner out, you may have triggered their anger and made them feel even more angry.
Avoiding bringing up past mistakes
Keeping your emotions in check is essential to prevent arguments. Bringing up past mistakes may escalate an argument and make your partner feel attacked, frustrated, and defensive. It also encourages your partner to use the wrong as ammunition. You may not realize it, but emotions often override logic. Avoid bringing up past mistakes to justify your actions, or to defend yourself. It’s best to talk about a different issue at a later time.
When you bring up past mistakes, you may feel that you want to take control of the situation, even if it’s not true. However, this tactic will not solve the problem. Instead, it will only exacerbate the issue and cause further conflict. As a result, you should avoid bringing up past mistakes and focus on resolving the problem at hand. Remember, if you want your relationship to continue to work, managing your emotional reactivity is key.
The first step in avoiding blaming when arguing with your significant other is to remember that you both contribute to the problem. While you may feel angry and frustrated, it is unlikely you will say the most helpful thing. Instead, you should give yourself a break and allow yourself to cool off before you discuss the issue or communicate your needs. You can do this in several ways. Here are some suggestions.
Do not blame your partner for something that was not your fault. Often, blame-based arguments result in an endless discussion about who is to blame. Defining the problem instead of blaming the other party will help you find a solution that works for both of you. You may even realize that the problem was entirely your fault. Eventually, you and your partner will stop blaming each other and move on to better solutions.
Taking deep breaths during arguments
One of the best ways to de-escalate an argument is to take a few deep breaths. When you raise your voice, you give your partner control and their perspective becomes blurred. Instead, keep your voice level and speak slowly, as if you are addressing your partner in person. This will make your argument more logical and allow you to communicate your feelings without getting emotional.
While you’re at it, take a few moments to evaluate the situation. Did you just say something that you didn’t mean to say? Did your partner utter a judgmental or accusatory tone of voice? Was your spouse genuinely upset? Did you utter words that caused hurt? Did you do something that made your partner feel worse? Did you say anything that was hurtful or inflammatory? If so, take some time to reflect and consider how it made your partner feel.
Managing anger in a relationship
Managing anger in a relationship can be difficult, but it is not impossible. It is crucial to learn how to manage anger properly and understand the underlying causes of your negative feelings. Often, you will find that the source of your anger is insecurity or anxiety. Learning how to manage your anger requires learning how to avoid cognitive distortions that contribute to anger. For example, you may be prone to overgeneralizing, discounting positive aspects, and blaming your partner for petty issues.
While anger is a natural reaction to perceived threat or harm, when it becomes out of proportion to the trigger, it can become destructive and negatively impact relationships. Anger is a healthy response to stressful situations, but when it becomes out of control, it can negatively impact relationships, your health, and even your life. To prevent this from happening, you can learn to recognize the signs of anger in yourself or your partner. Try to be mindful of your thoughts and feelings at the moment and redirect them to a more productive state.